Guess what I found out today!? I’m going through perimenopause.

This came as somewhat of a surprise because I had a partial hysterectomy when I was 33, which meant there was no meno to pause. I haven’t had a period in more than a decade. No increasingly irregular cycles. No skipped months. No wondering whether Aunt Flo had finally packed her bags and moved to Florida.

My uterus left the building years ago. My ovaries, however, stayed behind and nobody told them, that when they eventually decided to start winding down operations, to give me some type of notice! Because when you have periods, one of the biggest signs of perimenopause is that they start changing.

I didn’t have that warning system. Instead, my body decided we’d play a fun little game called: Is It Perimenopause or Am I Just Losing My Mind?

Can’t sleep? Stress.
Exhausted? Probably because I can’t sleep.
Can’t remember the word for a perfectly ordinary household object I’ve used 47,000 times? Getting older.
Walked purposefully into the kitchen and immediately forgot why? Distracted.
Suddenly irritated by things that normally wouldn’t bother me? People are annoying.
My husband is being particularly irritating? Okay, in fairness, annoyance is one of his love languages. So, I suppose we can’t blame hormones for everything.

Eventually, though, all of those weird little things started piling up and I realized something else might be happening.

Fun fact about hysterectomies: if your ovaries remain after a hysterectomy, they continue producing hormones, which means you still go through the hormonal transition into menopause, you just don’t have period changes to announce it.

And perimenopause, it turns out, can affect a surprising amount of your life: sleep, mood, memory, concentration, body temperature, sex drive, vaginal and urinary health, and your ability to tolerate another human being chewing within a fifteen-foot radius.

That last one may not appear in the medical literature.

Then Came the Hot Flashes

When I was about 15 or 16, my mother went through “the change.” I remember many a snowy December night when she would fling open the front door and announce, “My GOD, it’s hot in here!”

At the time, I thought she was nuts. Now, every phone call with her starts and ends with an apology for ever saying so.

Because the term hot flash sounds so benign, doesn’t it? A little warm spell. Maybe you delicately fan your face and say, “My goodness, is it warm in here?”

NOPE.

It’s more like your internal thermostat has been taken over by a toddler.
Everything is fine.
Everything is fine.
Everything is fine.
THE SUN IS INSIDE MY BODY.
And then it’s over.

What the hell was that?

There is, thankfully, an actual biological explanation. Hormonal changes during perimenopause can mess with the way your brain regulates body temperature.
So no, you’re not crazy.

Your body really did just decide that 72 degrees was an emergency.

My Personal Favorites: Nausea and Heartburn

Then there’s the nausea. My personal favorite.

Because hot flashes, brain fog, insomnia and mood swings weren’t enough. My hormones also occasionally like to throw in the sensation that I might vomit for absolutely no reason. Sometimes it’s mild. Sometimes my stomach just wakes up and chooses violence.

Normonal fluctuations during perimenopause can cause nausea in some women, although it isn’t one of the symptoms everyone experiences. I guess I just got lucky.

And because nausea couldn’t arrive unaccompanied, I’ve also developed heartburn. Not because I ate an entire pizza at midnight. That I could respect. No, sometimes my stomach just decides that whatever perfectly reasonable thing I ate at a perfectly reasonable time, was an act of aggression.

Just another delightful little reminder that my ovaries aren’t going quietly.

Sleep Is Apparently Optional Now

There was a time when going to bed meant I went to sleep. I did not appreciate that enough. Now bedtime is just the opening round of negotiations.
Maybe I’ll sleep.
Maybe I’ll wake up at 2:38 a.m.
Maybe I’ll wake up sweating.
Maybe I’ll wake up freezing because I threw all the blankets off when I was sweating.Maybe my brain will suddenly remember something embarrassing I said in 1997 and decide now is the appropriate time to relive it.

Sleep problems are common during perimenopause, as are problems with concentration, memory and finding words. Which explains why I can walk confidently into a room and have absolutely no idea why I’m there. Or stop mid-sentence because a word I’ve known for 40 years has simply disappeared.

At least I’m not losing my mind. I just temporarily can’t remember where I put it

And Yes, There Are Mood Changes

Irritability and mood changes can also happen during perimenopause.
But also… Have you met people?

How am I supposed to know whether I’m irritated because my hormones are fluctuating or because someone is genuinely being an idiot? Add in the fact that I’m tired, my internal thermostat is malfunctioning, I can’t remember why I opened the refrigerator, and someone has chosen this exact moment to ask me what’s for dinner.

So yes. I might be a little irritated.

The Part That’s Actually Important

The list of perimenopause symptoms is much longer than hot flashes and mood swings. Changes in hormones can affect sexual and urinary health, body composition, muscle mass and, as we move through menopause, bone health.

Some of this stuff is funny. Some of it really isn’t. And that’s why we need to talk about it. There are treatments available for many menopause symptoms. You don’t win a trophy for suffering through them.

Talk to your doctor.

Ask questions.

And if something doesn’t feel right, don’t automatically assume it’s “just menopause.” We’re still allowed to have other medical problems while our ovaries are staging their revolt.

So…When Am I Actually in Menopause?

Here’s where things get particularly entertaining for someone without a uterus.
For most women, menopause is officially reached after 12 consecutive months without a menstrual period.

Cool.

I haven’t had one since I was 33, so that measuring stick is completely useless to me. Without periods, figuring out exactly when you’ve reached menopause can be trickier.

Which brings us right back to where we started: There was literally no meno to pause. My body just quietly started the process without sending me a calendar invitation.

That’s really why I wanted to write this. I thought I knew what menopause was: periods get weird, hot flashes happen, periods stop, congratulations. Turns out, that’s the brochure version.

And if you’ve had a hysterectomy but kept your ovaries, one of the biggest clues that you’re entering perimenopause may be completely missing.

I really wish someone had mentioned that when I was 33. Instead, more than a decade later, I got to piece it together myself while wondering why I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t remember basic vocabulary, and occasionally felt like I’d been placed under a heat lamp at a fast-food restaurant.

So consider this the pamphlet I never got.

So, if you’re somewhere in your 40s wondering why your body suddenly seems to be operating under new management:

Welcome.

Apparently we’re middle-aged now, but we are still young enough to have fun… we just might need to do it next to the air conditioner.