Let’s talk about how ridiculously hard it is to make friends as an adult.

When you’re a kid, it’s easy.

You: “Do you like horses?”

Them: “Yeah! I like horses!”

That’s it… best friends for the next seven years.

In your twenties, you make friends through work, roommates, kids, school, neighbors…etc.  But then when you hit middle age, suddenly making a new friend feels a lot like dating.

Do we have anything in common?

Does she actually like me?

Should I text her?

Is texting her the next day too soon?

Do I ask if she wants to get coffee?

What if she says no?

Or worse…

What if she says YES and now I actually have to leave my house?

Because here’s another thing nobody warned me about: I’ve become WAY more introverted as I’ve gotten older.

I used to be much more social. Going somewhere after work? Sure. Last-minute plans? Why not? A whole weekend packed with things to do? Sounds fun.

Now, not so much.

“I’m sorry, you want me to leave my house after I’ve already taken my bra off? That’s going to require at least 48 hours’ notice and a very compelling reason.”

Somewhere along the way, staying home stopped feeling like I was missing out and started feeling like the reward. And though I would really like to be out there, experiencing new things, I genuinely enjoy being home. I like my quiet. I like my own space. I like not having to be “on.” It’s exhausting! Which creates an interesting problem when you’re trying to make friends.

I’d Like More People In My Life, But I’d Also Prefer That None of Them Require Me to Go Anywhere.

So where exactly are we supposed to meet new people? Because wandering through Target, spotting another woman in leggings staring blankly at a display of throw pillows, and saying, “You look like you’ve also had enough of everyone’s shit. Want to be friends?” isn’t socially acceptable. Although I feel like it should be.

The strange thing about middle age is that our lives are full, but sometimes our social circles aren’t. Kids grow up. People move. Jobs change. Friendships that once felt permanent sometimes fade without anything dramatic ever happening. Everyone gets busy living their own lives. And somewhere along the way, finding your people gets harder.

So I’m curious, and feel free to answer in the comments…

Have you found it harder to make friends as you’ve gotten older?

And have you become more introverted with age, too? Or are you one of those mysterious people who still wants to go places after 7 p.m.?

Most importantly: If you wanted to make a new friend right now, where would you even go to find one?

Because I’m beginning to think we need a dating app for middle-aged friendship.

Swipe right if you enjoy coffee, inappropriate humor, cancelling plans occasionally, sending each other memes instead of having actual conversations, and understanding that “We should get together soon!” could reasonably mean sometime in the next six months.

I’d sign up.